"She wouldn't let me have one, she says they're naughty...."

Spoilers ahead, watch The Stolen Earth then come back.

Bernard Cribbins hot webcam action XXX Now wouldn't that be a special 50th Post Bonus?

No, of course not, it's that time of year again folks! Russell T Davies brings his version of Doctor to a close in barnstorming fashion chucking in every character from the Nu-Whoniverse he can manage to take on the might of Davros and his new Dalek empire. Everything about this episode screamed "End of an era" right down to the audacious cliffhanger (More on that later) and added to the threat posed by the Daleks. Everything was on a much bigger scale than usual finales, we had an army of Daleks descimate New York, (Though was it necessary to have Michael Brandon for such a small role?) and a complete lack of the Doctor cos he couldn't find where the Earth had buggered off to. So it's down to this merry band to contact the useless bastard.

Brady Bunch Revival Back On...

Loved these scenes between all the characters of the Whoniverse, especially the flirting between Sarah Jane and Captain Jack, and I'm almost certain Captain Jack and Sarah Janes young son Luke! Even more entertaining to watch was Roses chagrin at not even being mentioned or included in the big plans drawn up by the Doc's former companions. Whilst all this is going on, the Doctor takes Donna to visit the Shadow Proclamation, mentioned waaaay back in the first ever episode of New Who and to be honest they were waaay dissapointing. Lacking menace or authority, even the Judoon who I absolutely love were sorely underused. (A 12" Judoon doll adorns my window sill) That said, they do declare war on the Daleks so maybe we might be treated to the full wrath of the Shadow Proclamation next week?

The Shadow Proclamation: Surprisingly well lit

Other victims of underuse due to the sheer amount of shit-going-on was Michael Brandon as General Sanchez. Exterminated too soon after giving Martha the Osterhagen(?) key, which, presumably is German for "Reset Button". No, I'm being cynical, the only things we've properly seen destroyed were the Valiant and New York, two things that don't really affect either Doctor Who or its spin-off shows so there may not be a need to reset everything by the end of this story. Speaking of New York and Daleks, it was refreshing to see them being ruthless bastards once again, after their disappointing appearance in last years Daleks in Manhattan. I mean they kill an 8 year old boy for goodness sake! On a family show! On a Saturday!

Presumably this is all down to their renewed strength courtesy of their creator Davros, played to perfection by the utterly sublime Julian Bleach, channeling original Davros Michael Wisher to chilling effect. Hopefully we'll get some proper confrontation between him and the Doctor next week, though I did love the Doctor's: "After everything that's happened, after all we've been through, I only have one thing to say to you; Byeee!"

Steven Hawking's really let himself go....too offensive?

So with the Doctor back in action and after some comical first impressions from Gwen about the Doctor ("He's a bit nice, thought he'd be older.") and Donna about Captain Jack things were set up for a heart warming reunion between the Doctor, his former companions and, of course Rose. But what's this coming round the corner? A Dalek? An extermination? The Doctor DYING? Not entirely sure about Captain Jack teleporting, gun raised and ready to kill the Dalek but what can you do? And then Russell T Davies pulls off, perhaps the greatest cliffhanger in Doctor Who history, by having the Doctor REGENERATE? Either this is the best kept secret in entertainment and we've got a new Doctor next Saturday or there's something else afoot. No matter what it's a bloody audacious move and a whole country must have just had a collective "Wha...tha...Fu?"

All in all, The Stolen Earth is the biggest, boldest opening episode of a season finale 2 parter ever. Whether or not Journeys End will live up to the promise is anyones guess but I hope to god it does as there's still a bitter taste in my mouth over the mistakes made in last years Last of the Timelords. Roll on Saturday!

In an episode as busy as this, I thought I'd just list the other things I quite liked about the ridiculously exciting opening episode:

• Bernard Cribbins continues to delight and entertain, lightening the tensest of scenes.
• "My vision is not impaired" another weakness of the Daleks solved.
• Ianto, lightening the tense scenes that Bernard Cribbins wasn't in.
• Billie Piper, back to her best after last weeks weak performance.
• Catherine Tate, her performance goes from strength to strength, just what is her fate?

The Geeky:

• Calufrax, one of the stolen planets from classic serial The Pirate Planet is mentioned.
• As is Klom from Series 2's Love and Monsters
• And the Doctor mentions a plan to move Earth from long ago, but it couldn't be the same perpetrators this time. Daleks in Dalek Invasion of Earth or Timelords in Trial of a Timelord?

So will next week open with James Nesbitt off to battle Davros? Which loyal companion will die? And is Harriet Jones seriously the Red Dalek? Can't wait to find out!

"You're not going to make the world any better by shouting at it."

Life is full of regrets; why didn't I do this? why didn't I say that? why didn't I turn left at a blatantly obvious crossroads metaphor? Yes, it's this weeks Doctor-lite episode Turn Left.

To be honest, the first half of the episode was patchy as hell, zipping through alternate takes on previous stories The Runaway Bride, Smith and Jones and The Voyage of the Damned playing them without the Doctor's intervention, being as he is killed at the bottom of the Thames barrier because Donna wasn't there to stop him.

I found it interesting that, without the Doctor, in the parallel world that Donna creates, Captain Jack and his Torchwood team, and Sarah Jane Smith try to do his job for him fighting alien evils on his behalf. Judging by the heaving amount of returning stars in next weeks The Stolen Earth the idea of the Doctor's army of companions is something we'll be coming back to in the final 2 weeks.

Nice Threads

Turn Left hit its stride once the Titanic crashes into Buckingham Palace causing a huge nuclear explosion wiping out London and leaving the South of England radioactive, prompting scenes reminiscent of classic BBC nuclear holocaust drama Threads. Bernard Cribbins, Catherine Tate and Jacquline King were all utterly fantastic in these scenes, especially in the reminiscing and subsequent sing-a-long. Not to mention when their housemates were bundled into a lorry bound for "labour camps". I was kind of uncomfortable with RTD's suggestion that when confronted with such a terrible situation without the Doctor, we'd resort to ethnic cleansing, I like to think we're better than that...that said it's a hugely powerful scene played to perfection by the fantastic Bernard Cribbins.

Catherine Tate was on top form in this episode, playing all the aspects of Donna we've grown to love and some new ones too. The suggestion that the universe needs both her and the Doctor is an interesting one and I'm very excited to see what this is leading to.

So what was bad?

I hate to say it but Billie Piper. (Yeah, don't know if you'd heard but she's back.) Not specifically her acting, I did like the new Doctorish quality to the character, but her accent was so bloody distracting, she'd clearly forgotten how to do it, and has she had new teeth put in because her delivery tripped over them.

As previously mentioned I wasn't too keen on the "remember this episode and this episode and this episode?" references, but it was necessary to save money to play back the same situations without the Doctor to save the day.

Planet of the Stereotypes

An oriental planet and the portrayal of the oriental fortune teller was laughably bad, invoking old stereotypes and the shopkeeper from Gremlins without any sense of irony. Edward Said would have a field day, it's like Talons of weng-chiang never happened! And the less said about the beetle the better.

All in all Turn Left is the beginning of a wrap-up on RTD's tenure on the show, referencing things that have gone before and foreshadowing a great finale which will bring this era to a close. Genuinely moving in parts and with an exciting cliffhanger (not sure exactly how bad wolf signals the end of the universe...but I'm still not exactly sure what bad wolf is.) that makes you disregard the patchy opening and will lead into what looks like a busy as hell season finale.

Next week: Judoon! Daleks! Rose! Captain Jack! Sarah Jane! Martha! Luke! Gwen and Ianto! Harriet Jones! Red Dalek! Davros!

Come back Ashes to Ashes, all is forgiven!

Glad to see that the 24 set is being put to good use during its hiatus.

Of course not, no this is the latest British TV programme to get the American remake treatment; Life on Mars! Unfortunately it has much more in common than sub-par spin-off Ashes to Ashes than the far superior Life on Mars. For starters it's almost entirely pointless, being a remake we know the answer to the "Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time?" and because the opening storyline is identical to that of the original we know what's going to happen, so why bother watching it? In fact, I'm not entirely sure what the point of this remake is, anyone in the U.S who wanted to see it would have bought the DVDs or caught it on BBC America.

Replacing John Simm and Phillip Glenister are Jason O'Mara and Colm Meaney as Sam Tyler and Gene Hunt respectively. And it's these two that are the other problems with this American remake.

For starters, Jason O'Mara is terrible, just terrible. He has all the acting style and charisma of a cardboard cutout of Matthew Fox and delivers his lines like a character out of Silent Hill and Resident Evil 5; "What's happening?" He only seems to brood or shout angrily, not unlike Keanu Reeves.

Colm Meaney though, is a competent actor. It's just a shame that, in this opening episode at least, injects none of the attitude or machismo to the character of Gene Hunt. The only moment at which he does break the 21st century police rules is when he beats up a woman. Yes, he beats up a woman. Something the original Gene would certainly not do.

And that's the final main problem, having Gene as a woman beater is the only thing they do different. The appeal to many with the original Mars was that it was much like having new episodes of The Sweeney back on the telly. If the makers of this new American remake had any balls, they would channel the likes of Starsky and Hutch to give it a proper American makeover. It has, however made me think I should give Ashes to Ashes another shot, and I will be watching the second episode just to see if they do anything at all different, after all the American version of The Office had a similarly dodgy first episode. But then they have Steve Carrell....we have Jason O'Mara who is just as funny, albeit for the wrong reasons.

"Stains on the windows?"

Although it's another three months until I go back to Uni and, indeed the new TV season starts, I have been treated to the season premiere of JJ Abrams' (Lost, Cloverfield, Alias) new project; Fringe. So how is it? Full of questions? Yes and, indeed no.

I don't know, exactly, what Abrams has against air travel and his father but it is clear these issues are something that affects his work. Fringe opens with a delightfully gruesome scene of a virus breaking out on a busy flight. Thankfully, said plane does not crash on a magical island, but it does, like Lost set off the series. Charlotte Rampling's Agent Durnham is put in charge of investigating what caused the outbreak, leading her and her boyfriend to some laboratories which unfortunately explode and almost kill the pair of them.

Father issues also make another appearance, though not on as massive a scale as Lost, as the scientist hired by Agent Durnham has an estranged son (played by Pacey off of Dawsons Creek) who's not exactly overjoyed to be thrust back into his company.

Airplane 3: Not as funny as the first one

Said scientist is played by John Noble who played Denethor in Lord of the Rings. Perhaps the John Locke of Fringe being all mysterious and doing a very competent impression of Vincent Price. That said, maybe it's Lance Reddick, star of "Greatest TV Show Ever EVER" The Wire. Head of a division of the FBI investigating "The Pattern" a series of experiments by someone using the planet as a laboratory. Bad ass, and indeed mysterious (Especially by episodes end when Durnham is asked to think why he sent her to the laboratory.) so who knows? Another mysterious character is yet to be seenDoctor Bell, who could very well be the villain of the piece.

He's got some transcripts of wiretaps in there

Another promising start from Abrams and I believe this time that the storyline isn't going to be dragged out seeing as the structure of the season lends itself more to stand-alone episodes than Lost does. Annoyingly, the pilot ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, so I now have to wait until frigging September to find out what the hell is going on. Strongly reccomended for something to fill the gaps left by Lost and 24.

"...what could possibly go wrong?"

Ah yes, that old pre-titles chestnut.
Ah yes, that old pre-titles chestnut.

As hackneyed as that opening was, tonights Doctor Who is quite possibly, a masterpiece.
As hackneyed as that opening was, tonights Doctor Who is quite possibly, a masterpiece. (Okay, I'll stop the Lesley Sharpe impressions.)


Strong stuff coming after a Moffat 2-parter (the second part of which, if I'm being honest left me a little cold and underwhelmed.) but RTD OBE really pulled it out the bag with a claustrophobic, creepy as hell, quite obviously money saving episode. And, much like Silence in the Library/The Forest of the Dead played on a homespun fear as for all it's Sapphire waterfalls and "Big Space Trucks" it's really a story that plays on our Post 9/11 fear and suspicion regarding air travel. The scenes where the passengers turn on the Doctor, and eventually themselves were beautifully played. Interestingly, the Doctor is not looked on as the great hero who will save them all this week his "alien" nature resulting in him being ostracised from the human group and seen as a collaborator with the strange alien force. The very fact that noone trusts him leaves him utterly powerless and it is incredible to witness.

Lesley Sharpe, who I find kinda unsettling anyway, was fantastic as Sky Silvestry the possessed passenger who starts freaking everyone out and turning them all against themselves. And these moments were genuinely distressing.

For, I think, the first time since The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit it was left pretty ambiguous as to what the hell this alien threat was. And to be honest it's something I have no problem with, it's refreshing to see the Doctor get into a situation he doesn't understand, a lot of the time he can come across as an arrogant all knowing smug prick, so how great it was for him to admit he had no idea what the hell happened. David Tennant flew solo for the majority of the episode, giving Catherine Tate a break before she takes centre-stage in next weeks Doctor-lite episode (More on that in a minute.) but when she does turn up at the end, we feel, much like the Doctor does a sense of relief and of being so glad to see her.

Midnight is exactly the reason I love this show, how it can be a sci-fi epic set in a space library one week and a distressing, claustrophobic tale of mistrust and fear the next. The fact that it's all taking place in a family show is all the more incredible, proper drama at 7:10 on a Saturday night. Long may it continue...

The Geeky:- David Troughton who played Professor Hobbes is the son of Second Doctor Patrick and has appeared in the series three times previously in The Enemy of the World, The War Games and The Curse of Peladon. Talk about nepotism! Of course not, he's a talented actor and was wonderful, especially when he had to make the decision over whether or not to kill the Doctor. There was something slightly uncomfortably United 93 about that whole moment but there you go.

Next week:- The finale starts here! Donna meets Rose and never meets the Doctor?

"I don't need this job..."

Things not to say in a job interview! No, this isn't from popular US gameshow Jeopardy but something uttered by airy-fairy aromatherapist risk assessor Lucinda in this weeks The Apprentice.


I didn't actually get to see the episode until Saturday, hence scenes reminiscent of the classic Likely Lads episode in which the lads attempt to avoid hearing the result of a football game before they go home and watch the highlights. Opened The Sun and narrowly avoided the summary of the episode, though my eyes were drawn to a picture of Lucinda setting off alarm bells instantly, my gran almost spilt the beans and my mate let slip that Sir Al only fires one person. Odds firmly stacked against me, (including a tricky rebuilding of my mums PC, an uncooperative internet connection, and some iPlayer problems.) I sat down to watch the always entertaining job interview episode. As ever, Sir Alans trusted advisors grilled the teams over the space of one day in a gruelling interview session. (Think that's gruelling? They clearly haven't been to a Sainsburys Induction!)

Don't you just want to suck the lips off him?

I love these guys though, and the scenes they have reporting back on the candidates in the boardroom with Nick, Margaret and Sir Alan should be a series all on its own. So, what interesting gems did the interviewers dredge up, well:

British born Alex claims being fluent in English is a skill. I'd argue with this, but looking at the current run of celebs (And indeed Sir Alan and Lee McQueen...sorry, cheap shot) who barely have a grasp of the language he may indeed be on to something.

Lee McQueen lied about his time at University. Instead of taking 2 years to walk out on his degree he did so after only 4 months....right, why even bother putting it down that you didn't acheive the degree? Sir Alan seems to have no problem with a lack of University education at all.

Clare used to be a club-rep. She says there's no embarassing photos or videos of her time in this debauched profession. Having seen her in a bikini I am eternally grateful for this.

Helene "wants to dive into the ocean of opportunity..." 'Nuff said.

I think we also learnt that after 4 years, Sir Alan has finally lost his marbles. Nick and Margaret are clearly keeping the company going whilst their boss increasingly turns into a dribbling dementia riddled mess. Traditionally speaking, the final 5 is reduced to 2 in the interview episode but this time, Sir Alan, probably forgetting to take his medication, fired just the one, Lucinda because, no doubt he wasn't sure about her commitment to the job, that and she was too zany for him. Given his decisions this year, I dread to think how zany that is. Given that next weeks task pits Clare and Lee against Alex and Helene with the losing team being fired and the strongest member of the winning team being hired, I think it's an entirely pointless exercise as we'd probably have a Clare/Lee final anyway. Unless he's going to lose it altogether and hire both of them....wish I hadn't said that now.

would you hire this man?

"Donna Noble has left the library...."

Just who the hell is River Song?

One of the things that Doctor Who does really well is take something normal and everyday and make it utterly terrifying. Steven Moffat has become the poster boy for such a practice, playing on the idea of monsters under the bed in his Season 2 episode Girl in the Fireplace, making statues scary in the peerless Blink, and now he takes darkness, shadows and those flecks of dust you see in sunbeams and turns them into something truly terrifying. Put that man in charge! Oh...right...yeah.


So, after a message on the Psychic Paper, the Doctor takes Donna to the biggest library in the universe which is a whole planet of books. However the library is abandoned and they're warned to stay out of the shadows. All sounds simple enough, but in the hands of Steven Moffat it becomes much more complicated and exciting. As if the pirahnas of the air and the multiplying shadows weren't bad enough, we have 4,000 missing people (The answer to that probably lies in the fate of Donna...) the relationship of River Song to the Doctor, (So far the messageboards are arguing over whether she's the TARDIS, Captain Jack, A future regeneration of the Doctor, The Doctor's wife, the wife of a duplicate version of the 10th Doctor, Rose (!!!!), and Martha (!!!!!!!)) and exactly who the little girl is and how she's controlling the library from modern day England. All these questions will no doubt be answered in the second part on Saturday and I simply cannot wait after that cracker of a cliffhanger. Surrounded by darkness, the Vashta Nerada closing in and the Doctor realises exactly what's happened to Donna.

Face? Bothered?

Good cast, Steve Pemberton as the unlikeable (and surely the next casualty?) rich man in charge of the expedition to the library, Colin Salmon being pretty damned enigmatic and the little girl are all excellent. Not entirely sure about Alex Kingston, she isn't demanding my attention as much as she probably should seeing as she's one of the many mysteries in the Library.

Moffat's done it again basically, no doubt scaring kids across the country with a multi-layered tale that bodes extremely well for the future of the show. Doctor Who is in very very safe hands.

The Geeky:

Once again there's a reference to the last Classic Doctor Who serial Survival: "Don't go out on Sundays, Sundays are boring..." Not sure where these Survival references are going, Cheetah People in the finale? Rona Munro writing an episode? People looking too much into things?

River Song has a squareness gun, the gun that Captain Jack uses in The Empty Child.