Celebrity Comes Out SHOCK!

Before you read this edition of KKK I fully advise you sit down. No seriously, you're going to want to take a seat because I have a startling revelation for you. Sat down? Good....here goes....




JOHN BARROWMAN IS GAY


What? You already knew? Of course, this is no real surprise to anybody who's owned a TV set over the past 3 years, being as he is, perhaps one of the gayest men on television. But why is he gay? Is it a case of nature or nurture? Thankfully the Barrowman Broadcasting Corporation decided to find out and sent our man on a journey across London (Made obvious by the ridiculous amounts of panning establishing shots of London landmarks...I thought I was watching the flipping Apprentice!) Chicago, LA and wherever it is his family live.

This picture features the lovely Eve Myles and therefore covers all demographics....

This is for the Beeb's new show The Making of Me a 3 part series in which celebrities try and find out what it is exactly that makes them the way they are. And Barrowman's journey is a genuinely interesting one, albeit one that scarcely touches on the problems many gay men face in coming out to their friends and family. Barrowman himself says that if he had stayed in Glasgow instead of moving to the States he may have ended up killing himself after coming out. It's an interesting point; Barrowman has been lucky, a loving caring family and living in a fairly liberal and affluent community that accepted him for what he was, something you may not have got back here in Scotland. Still, the show is not really about the hardships gay people face, it's about whether or not they're born with it, which is an admirable quest in itself.

So what does he find out? There are some interesting things in the programme, an MRI scan can pinpoint exactly what it is that turns us on. (My brain would clearly light up like a Christmas tree if I saw Kristin Bell in knee socks.) One "Ex-Gay" dismisses this as being the same as chocolate and that he can refuse men in the same way he can give up smoking because both are harmful. It is here and with an interview with a man who tried to "go straight" that Barrowman is actually serious for a moment, he's enthusiastic to the point of nausea at times and it's good to see him shocked and struggling to understand something. Unfortunately, for me, there's a lack of bona-fide proof that people are born gay. For all the similarities gay brains have to straight women brains and a search for a gay gene, there's no real definitive proof. It takes a rather shonky ending that falls apart slightly involving the length of ring fingers and the amount of older brothers you have that smacks of desperation. Especially when Barrowman almost celebrates the fact his mother miscarried a son.

Still, it's a worthwhile enough exercise, and a diverting albeit very interesting 60 minute though I doubt it does enough to convince those that believe homosexuality is a lifestyle choice otherwise. But hopefully it helps to make some headway.

"But we had the best of times."

Hey, SPOILERS!

That Russell T Davies is nae feart! Journey's End is perhaps his ballsiest script yet, poking the hardcore fan squarely in the eye right from the get-go. I must admit something before I continue this review and say that I didn't see Journey's End on first broadcast on account of being in Shetland, one pub did have it on though and there was a brief moment where I had to decide whether or not to ask them to turn it off or turn it up!

So with that out the way let's take a look at poke in the eye #1:- Namely the "Regeneration". The press have been speculating wildly over whether or not David Tennant would be staying in the role past last weeks cliffhanger. I never once for a moment thought he was going to fully regenerate into the 11th Doctor. And I'm not entirely sure what the hell everyone's problem is about him healing himself and siphoning off the energy into the hand in the jar. After all, the Doctor is about to regenerate in Part 3 of The Caves of Androzani but pauses so that he can return to save Peri. So is it too much to ask us to believe that if he's got some matching bio-data to hand (hem hem) then he can halt the regeneration?

The hand and the regeneration energy, of course, gave us one of the other things some fans might find upsetting, but I'll come to that in a minute. As I said last week, I was sorely disappointed with last years finale and the distinct lack of confrontation between the wonderful David Tennant and John Simm. (Something, rumour has it, we might be getting next year.) Thankfully we had plenty of confrontation between Tennant's Doctor and Julian Bleach's rasping, chillingly portrayed Davros. Not only that, but instead of a CGI house-elf Doctor like last year, RTD gave us 3, yes 3! Doctors for the finale. Loved Tennant's portrayal of the slightly unhinged half-human version of the Doctor, and Catherine Tate's DoctorDonna was a joy to behold. Granted the whole thing was an excuse to satisfy those real people watching the show who want the Doctor and Rose to be together, dropping them both off on Bad wolf bay (The Doctor really is a dick, dropping the woman he's supposed to be in love with in Norway? How's she supposed to get home?) to start a new life and grow old together, personally I give it six months.

Lost in Translation much?

I had no problem with this, it seemed right somehow and is, I suppose the only real resolution to the Doctor and Rose's relationship. Rose wasn't great this week, liked her approval of Martha but apart from that she was in full-on lovesick puppy mode which just made me queasy. Talking Tylers; the appearance of Rose's mum holding a massive gun was ridiculous and her presence in the episode overall was bordering on the uneccesary.

Hands up if you have nothing to do this week...

Overall though, all the characters did seem to fit together for the climax rather well, highlighting the idea of fashioning weapons out of people and how maybe the Doctor hadn't taught his companions so well afterall. And as for that scene in the console room, never before have I been simultaneously grinning and cringing at the same time! Triumphant stuff.

The defeat of the Daleks was far far too comedic and totally jarred with the way they'd been portrayed up to that point. They were really properly menacing again and all the rolling them about the floor was just ridiculous. The genocide by clone-Doctor was pretty good though. Speaking of genocide; German Daleks? A step too far? Discuss.

And finally, and most sadly of all "the death". Davies has pulled this trick before and I really wished he had the balls to actually kill someone close to the Doctor this time round, afterall that was the whole theme of the episode. (It was very much focused on performance over plot.) Instead he retconned Donna, erasing her mind of all her adventures with the Doctor and turning her back into the irritating, gobby temp we met way back on Christmas Day 2006. Donna will be sorely missed by me, I really grew to love her as she evolved through the past 13 weeks and she is by far the best companion the show's had since Sarah Jane Smith. No more Tate, I expect, also means no more Cribbins, who excelled himself in those final scenes bringing actual actual tears to my eyes. ("She was better when she was with you." "I'll keep an eye out for you son...")

Overall, it was a slightly too long, (15 minutes of saying goodbye does not justify a longer timeslot ) big ballsy round-up of Russell T Davies' brave new era of the show, light on plot but made up for in sheer spectacle and great performances from our 2 regulars and the villain. Farewell to Rose, and to Donna, and heres to 4 (Or is that 5?) exciting special episodes from Russell T Davies and David Tennant.

The Geeky
"I'm half-human, isn't that wizard." - Further derision towards that plot twist in the 1996 TV movie.

"Do you come from an old welsh family?" - Pointless and unnecessary reference to 2005's The Unquiet Dead but never mind!

Davros and Sarah Jane's discussion of the events of Genesis was just ace

So that's it, the last regular episode until 2010. Christmas sees David Tennant reunited with David Morrissey and the Cybermen. I mean, that's got to be good....right?

FREE BOOBS!

God, everywhere you go these days people are asking for your money aren't they? Shelter want your money to help the homeless, Children in Need want you to help all the neglected kiddies in the UK, Comic Relief want you to help out across the Globe, Amnesty want you to give money to help stop human rights abuses, women want you to donate money for their breast enlargement....whoa, hang on, what?

Yes indeed, Virgin 1's documentary 100 Men Own My Breasts examines this new worthy charity. Focusing on the website that started the whole thing off; http://myfreeimplants.com/ it charts the efforts of three British girls who want larger breasts and decide to join the website in the hope that lonely one-handed typists with more money than sense will pay money towards their breast enlargement surgery. Yes...seriously. I mean for god sake what the hell happened to using your credit card on the internet for joining borderline illegal pornography sites?

The girls take different approaches, Karen, like many of the women on the site, posts "sexy" pictures of her and best friend in a variety of saucy poses in exchange for money. These photos are taken by her willing amateur pornographer husband who is more than happy to pimp his girlfriend out to the interweb in exchange for some larger breasts to come home to at night. He fully understands who is exploiting who in this situation...but I dunno, for me it's a lot harder to discern. I mean, your average strip club has stringent rules on what you can and cannot do, allowing the strippers to fully exploit their customers. An analogy that Karen quite rightly makes. It seems to me, certainly in the case of that in order to raise the money, they are forced to post saucier pictures and spend more time talking to the users that it puts their marriage at risk. So who the hell is benefitting from this? Student Sarah sees sense, and leaves the site, but is not allowed to leave with her 3,000 dollars...so does that go back to the donors or what?

The donors they speak to are perhaps the most stereotypical ones they could find. Beardy weirdy with a lisp Robert is seen to buy plastic figurines of wizards and dragons.

Another donor (who wishes to remain anonymous) walks with a limp and has a funny voice....I mean seriously!

1oo Men Own My Breasts even resorts to some nice visual metaphor later on in the film as Single Mum Sarah goes back on her promise not to do sexy shots. As they cut to the shot of her pet snake swallowing a dead mouse; she's being swallowed up by the site...DO YOU SEE?

It's a tough call to decide exactly who's at fault here, it's a fine line you draw between raising money and prostituting yourself and the film seems to suggest that the borderline prostitution is the only way to raise the money they so desperately need. Karen is the one who posts the topless shots and its she who gets the money she needs in about 4 months. Now if you'll excuse me I need to pay for my new .com web address for my latest venture. www.myfreepenisenlargement.com.