Big Brother With Famous People In It

Hey! Remember 12 months ago? Remember when I suggested that Mark Speight, Reg Hollis, Kenny Richey and the McCanns would be taking part this year? Yeah....sorry about that, actually I'm not, except the Mark Speight thing, that was immature.

So yeah, Celebrity Big Brother is back! Which country will Channel 4 almost trigger a war with this time? Well, it's early days yet so let's just slag off the contestants for a bit until something interesting happens.

La Toya Jackson seriously? She's like the least famous Jackson right? I mean I didn't even know she'd released singles until just now! And that laugh (Like Miss Piggy on helium.) is bound to get annoying, in fact, I think it already has.

Mutya Buena for goodness sake? The ugly one that left the Sugababes only for them to release cracking singles? What the fuck is this? La Toya Jackson, Mutya Buena; this is fast turning into Rejects from popular well known pop combos. Sigh.

Verne Troyer: Jesus Christ. 2ft 8 inches....*cough* stunt casting *cough*. I tell you what the ramifications of The Love Guru are far reaching. Watching him try and drag his suitcase into the house was painful to watch, eliciting "Awws" from the morons outside, therefore he's going to win.

Tommy Sheridan! I mean he has to do something until the next election. I saw Tommy's Edinburgh Fringe chat show a few years ago, so I've got a fair idea what to expect. Loads of jokes about the News of the World and calling people "Brother" or "Sister". I have a funny feeling he may be first out.

Lucy Pinder who's famous for putting her hands over her tits. Nice to see CBB still appealing to the channel hopping masturbator. That being the case, if they're not allowed to show the celebs in the shower, what's the point? I have a feeling she may clash with Tommy, or follow Danielle Lloyd's example and turn out to be a horrendous racist or maybe go one better and turn out to be a baby murderer.

Ben Adams! From A1! I think he's the boring pretty one.

Tina Malone she's in Shameless. And I hate Shameless. Not looking good for her is it?

Coolio! Jesus, where the Dickens has he been? He sounds like a bit of a dick to be honest, not only that but I think he's on the way to some Flava Flav style breakdown. Still, it means Gangsta's Paradise will probably be in the charts again though I'm more partial to I'll See You When You Get There.

Michelle Heaton. She was in Liberty X and married Lisa Scott Lee's brother. Meh, I've said it before; channel hopping masturbators....

Terry Christian off The Word! Christ he hasn't been on Channel 4 for a while has he?

And finally;

Ulrika Jonsson! Everyone's favourite Swedish nymphomaniac and John Leslie rape victim. Moving swiftly on....she's good on Shooting Stars so who knows? Still, were we really building up to Ulrika? Actually fair enough, she was on telly on Tuesday which is a damned sight more recent than most of the housemates.

Sooooo, I'll watch it to see Coolio snap, see how long Tommy goes without calling someone "Brother", and see if there's another race riot. That and I've got a shitload of uni work to avoid.