'Prentice-Hancock

Not Him

No, not Commander Salamar from classic Tom Baker serial The Planet of Evil. I'm talking about last nights telly, in particular The Apprentice (BBC1) and Hancock and Joan (BBC4)

The Apprentice kicked off in brilliant style with some wonderfully ridiculous hyperbole from the candidates. One of my favourites so far is Raef who claims that "the spoken word is my tool." and that he can "get on with both Prince and Pauper".

There was a serious class divide last night, between cunty barrister Nicholas De-Lacy Brown and Alex. Both of them were total twunts, but that's the appeal of The Apprentice innit? Nicholas was fired after a mix up with some lobsters and Raef lives to fight another day.

The guy I most want to win however, might just be Kevin. This is primarily because he looks a little bit like Matt Lucas dressed as Jamie Oliver. I hope he wins so that once S'r'Al gives him the job, he strips off his suit to reveal a hilarious fat suit complete with comedy tits and a comedy vagina, sits on Sir Al's knee and tells him to "Call me Bubbles..."

Out of the girls, noone is particularly standing out as a potential winner or anyone to root for. There is the best salesperson in Europe...[/hyperbole] Irish Jenny who whilst being quite sexy does have a slightly larger gap between her eyes than is surely healthy. She also claims on The Apprentice wesbsite that she can sell a sheet of paper for £50, dunno about you but at £50 I'd be expecting a little bit more than "paper" if you know what I mean.

Looking for (stationary) business darling?

Lucinda, the beret wearing, soft talking potential nutcase should give us some entertainment in the weeks to come. Sir Alan was on fine form in the Boardroom, and it's shaping up to be another cracking series.

BBC4 continued their Curse of Comedy season with Hancock and Joan starring the brilliant Ken Stott as Tony Hancock. Although he doesn't really look like Hancock, and although at certain points in the film his voice wavered a little and that Edinburgh accent of his slipped through, you could just about believe he was Hancock. Certainly in some of his mannerisms, and in certain bits of dialogue. Sadly, as a fan of Hancock and as a fan of Ken Stott I didn't enjoy it as much as I enjoyed the previous weeks Steptoe drama. Perhaps I struggled to believe Stott as Hancock primarily because I'd watched a lot of the two of them recently in DVDs of Rebus and Hancock's Half Hour. Still, it was a good drama, barring the odd ending and Stott was a much more believable Hancock than Alex Jennings was as Dads Army star and friend of Hancock; John LeMesurier, whose wife Hancock had an affair with. First of all, they look nothing like each other, and unlike Stott who adopted the mannerisms and for the most part the accent, Jennings just played LeMesurier as Prince Charles! I think his presence is what really detracted from the drama of the piece, you're really supposed to feel sorry for John, who acts like a complete gentleman whilst knowing his wife is sleeping with his best friend, but Jennings was too flat, and not three dimensional enough to illicit any kind of sympathy.
So there we go, last nights television poked, prodded and analysed by someone waiting for a Megabus. Doctor who returns at the earlier time of 6:20 on the 5th April so imagine this place to be Doctor who and Apprentice central for the next 13 weeks!

Happy times and places!

Pick 'n' Mix

No fixed topic this time, just a little look through the weeks events...

It's Smeato Time!

Oh, I appear to have posted a picture of the engineer John Smeaton, who, amongst other things, built the foundations for the London Bridge!

Anyway, why am I talking about Smeato? Well, he's been in the papers again (This is the baggage handler we're talking about now, though the money I'd pay to see a man in a powdered wig take on a terrorist....) the Mail have him linked to the incredible story of a nine year old boy who threw himself in the way of a knife wielding maniac who was attacking his mother. Smeato will be present when the boy picks up his award at the Sunday Mail Young Scot Awards. Apparently everyone's been calling young Nathan Thomas a "Little Smeato" that sounds to me like a bit of an insult. "Come here you little Smeato so I can boot your erse!"


John Smeaton has said that Nathan is something more than another Smeato. Damned right, this kid threw himself in front of his mother and got a knife in the face! Smeaton...well he kicked a man who was on fire. It's not as if he booted a suicide bomber out of a train. And apparently, according to reports he may not even have done that! Apparently "Eyewitnesses" are casting doubt on his involvement at Glasgow airport. Don't care either way, but I do think Smeaton playing William Wallace is just...well...crass?
You can see one "Scottish hero" playing the role of another here. Jesus.

"They may take our lives, but we'll just set aboot them"

In other news, young Shannon Matthews was found after being missing for 24 days holed up inside a bed. Good news, however the tabloids coverage couldn't resist the urge to link it to the McCanns. "Finding Shannon gives hope to the McCanns." Er...right, Shannon was missing for under a month, Madeline McCann's been missing for about 8 months now? And Shannon's parents clearly haven't killed her....did I just say that? I love the fact that because Matthews is from a working class background, the police and the papers are much quicker to jump on the dodgy background of the family.

And on the television, Gavin and Stacey return this week. Love this show, beautifully written characters, gentle but with little flashes of darkness and Rob Brydon doing what he does best. Can't wait.

Also this week, there's about 3 episodes of Torchwood. Wednesdays BBC2 episode From Out of The Rain is a ghost story written by PJ Hammond, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure I enjoyed it. It just seemed to pass me by, there was flashes of brilliance, the manner of the deaths was pretty cool, but it was just a little bit too supernatural. Julian Bleach was fantastic though, very promising if he is playing Davros in the upcoming new series of Doctor Who, here he is:

Speaking of Torchwood, I met John Barrowman this afternoon. Nice guy but the crowd at the book signing comprised of some of the best looking women and some of the worst. That's the world of Doctor Who for you.

And finally, if you're a fan of classic BBC comedy, then I think BBC4's Curse of Comedy season should be cracking. It starts on Wednesday with Jason Isaacs (Next Doctor or next Bond, either way I'm more than happy) playing Harry H Corbett of Steptoe and Son then continues with Ken Stott (When oh when will he be in Doctor Who?) as Tony Hancock, and David Walliams as Frankie Howard.

Hopefully the next time I type, we'll all know when Doctor Who is coming back.