Jade Goody's Death Bed - A Showbiz Extravaganza!

Before I launch into a tirade about the modern cult of celebrity, I must, of course, state that no matter what your opinion of Jade Goody is, the fact that a 27 year old woman is dying from cancer is no laughing matter. So with that out the way....

Celebrities getting cancer is of course no new thing, Patrick Swayze is currently battling the disease whilst Kylie Minogue had a well publicised battle with breast cancer a couple of years ago. The thing that's different in these cases is that these battles, by and large, have been private affairs: Kylie allowing a documentary crew to film her first tour after being given the all clear and Swayze giving the odd interview on television. But this is the first case, I suppose, of a reality TV star contracting cancer, and not just as any reality TV star; Jade Goody, perhaps the most succesful of them all. (Bigger than Jeremy Spake? Almost certainly.) As a result, what we have now is a very, VERY public battle with cancer, which, unfortunately Jade appears to have lost.

Not a day goes by just now where we're not kept informed about the reality stars condition, either via interviews in the tabloid press, statements from her publicist and resident anti-Christ Max Clifford or the documentary show currently airing on Living TV. On the one hand this has all served to raise awareness of the importance of getting a cervical smear test to catch Cervical Cancer sooner rather than later, which is no bad thing. On the other hand however, it has felt like a rather bizarre reality show in itself essentially sitting back and watching as a woman dies. Her diagnosis was relayed to her in the Indian Big Brother house, her treatment aired on Living Tv, I can't help but wonder where they're going to draw the line? Televised death bed confession?

Goody herself has said that it's all about earning enough money to secure the future of her sons, and that, with her reality show background this is the only way she knows. All well and good but there is a fine line between securing your childrens future and losing whatever dignity you have left. Fair enough, she has agreed to speak to the press etc, but there's no mistaking that the constant stream of photographs of her undergoing treatment, or shopping for a wedding dress in a wheelchair are invasive and uncomfortable. I just hope there's a moment of sanity before, in the last few days OK Magazine invite us to be shown around her hospice room. I can certainly imagine her tragic wedding to boyfriend Jack will be covered. It's all very sad, but for a woman who has had her dignity chipped away from her progressively since her first appearance on Big Brother (The stomach turning striptease right through to the race row that erupted two years ago.) to allow the general public to follow her last days on Earth so closely is something I'm not entirely comfortable with and it worries me what the next stage of this obsession with celebrity culture will be.

Nostalgic for the days of "Shilpa Fuckalya"

About this time last year, Channel 4 was in the process of sparking war with India or something. We all know what happened so I'm not going to go over the whole sorry mess again. (Jade Goody stupid misguided idiot, Danielle Lloyd big nasty racist with massive tits thus making everything okay.)

Of course, Celebrity Big Brother isn't on this year, but the way the cult of celebrity is going, should the programme return next year it's going to have one of the best cast lists yet. Here's my early predictions for the line-up to feature in the resurrected show next year.

Mark Speight: Last week, Speight's was the first celebrity scandal of the new year and my god wasn't it a cracker? When last year all we got was the "scandal" that some celebrities are racists just like everyone else, Speight went one better by being accused of murder and supplying Class-A drugs. Of course the murder charge has been dropped and it's now just a boring old "Childrens Presenter in Cocaine Binge SCANDAL". Expect him to be dropped from SMart and appear in the House next year.

And who's next into the House? Why it's loveable former copper from TV's The Bill; Jeff Stewart. Jeff was suspended a few months ago for criticising the show's staff for it's terrible storylines. I used to love the Bill as a kid, until it turned into the very weird soapy, "serial drama" hour-long episode format it has these days. I stopped watching around the time Sun Hill stalwart Jack Meadows fell in love with an ice-maiden lady Detective who was pregnant with the child of the Superintendent who just happened to be a big nasty rapist. To be honest I'm surprised it took him this long to complain. Anyway, in yet another shocking celebrity news story in what is still only the second week of 2008, Stewart was told his contract would not be renewed and promptly cut his wrists, winding him in hospital and either a job on Eastenders by the end of the year, or a stint in the Big Brother House.

My final prediction may be a controversial one, it's loveable, child murder and arson suspect Kenny Richey! Richey is now a bona-fide celebrity, paid millions by a number of papers for his story and bound to be a big item in the press for some time yet. By the time Celebrity Big Brother rolls around, his star will have faded and he'll need to raise his profile. After all, once you've been on Death Row, the Big Brother House will be like a walk in the park. He may even get some of that 'nookie' he's been after.

Actually, I've got another controversial prediction. With talk of making a documentary film about the search for Madeleine McCann, if she isn't found by 2009 maybe the McCanns could appear on Big Brother to remind everyone that a little girl's gone missing. Because we didn't know children go missing until they told us.