About this time last year, Channel 4 was in the process of sparking war with India or something. We all know what happened so I'm not going to go over the whole sorry mess again. (Jade Goody stupid misguided idiot, Danielle Lloyd big nasty racist with massive tits thus making everything okay.)
Of course, Celebrity Big Brother isn't on this year, but the way the cult of celebrity is going, should the programme return next year it's going to have one of the best cast lists yet. Here's my early predictions for the line-up to feature in the resurrected show next year.
Mark Speight: Last week, Speight's was the first celebrity scandal of the new year and my god wasn't it a cracker? When last year all we got was the "scandal" that some celebrities are racists just like everyone else, Speight went one better by being accused of murder and supplying Class-A drugs. Of course the murder charge has been dropped and it's now just a boring old "Childrens Presenter in Cocaine Binge SCANDAL". Expect him to be dropped from SMart and appear in the House next year.
And who's next into the House? Why it's loveable former copper from TV's The Bill; Jeff Stewart. Jeff was suspended a few months ago for criticising the show's staff for it's terrible storylines. I used to love the Bill as a kid, until it turned into the very weird soapy, "serial drama" hour-long episode format it has these days. I stopped watching around the time Sun Hill stalwart Jack Meadows fell in love with an ice-maiden lady Detective who was pregnant with the child of the Superintendent who just happened to be a big nasty rapist. To be honest I'm surprised it took him this long to complain. Anyway, in yet another shocking celebrity news story in what is still only the second week of 2008, Stewart was told his contract would not be renewed and promptly cut his wrists, winding him in hospital and either a job on Eastenders by the end of the year, or a stint in the Big Brother House.
My final prediction may be a controversial one, it's loveable, child murder and arson suspect Kenny Richey! Richey is now a bona-fide celebrity, paid millions by a number of papers for his story and bound to be a big item in the press for some time yet. By the time Celebrity Big Brother rolls around, his star will have faded and he'll need to raise his profile. After all, once you've been on Death Row, the Big Brother House will be like a walk in the park. He may even get some of that 'nookie' he's been after.
Actually, I've got another controversial prediction. With talk of making a documentary film about the search for Madeleine McCann, if she isn't found by 2009 maybe the McCanns could appear on Big Brother to remind everyone that a little girl's gone missing. Because we didn't know children go missing until they told us.
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